


Mess

by thebeautifulgame



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, US Women's Soccer National Team
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 21:51:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1915134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeautifulgame/pseuds/thebeautifulgame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've taken some liberty with timelines as far as the various club seasons + NT friendlies as well as which clubs they play for and their outcomes.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Mess

**Author's Note:**

> I've taken some liberty with timelines as far as the various club seasons + NT friendlies as well as which clubs they play for and their outcomes.

You’ve been a mess your entire life. If the “M” in your initials didn’t stand for “Michelle”, it would most definitely stand for “Mess”. Even in times that you’ve had your act together, the messes still follow. Family drama, injuries, insecurities…it never seems to stop. Not to mention, your somewhat warranted reputation as a player doesn’t seem to help your case either. Yet you keep trucking on, leaving messes in your wake and attempting to clean at least some of them up along the way. It’s not that you thrive in this lifestyle; it’s just all you know…that is, until you meet her.

\---

She’s the most radiant woman you’ve ever laid eyes on. Her physical beauty is beyond compare but it’s her aura that draws you in. Her confidence, quirky sense of humor, and laugh are absolutely infectious. That damn nose crinkle that only appears on her face when she’s genuinely amused does not help break the trance she has you under either. She’s from Virginia but speaks with a slight European accent due to her time in Germany. She’s kind, worldly, and has your heartstrings wrapped around her little finger. Her name is Alexandra Blaire Krieger and she will be the best and worst thing to ever happen to you.

\---

Your relationship is unique from the beginning. You’re known as “Ali & Ash, the best friends to end all best friends”. Little does everyone else know that you’re helplessly in love with the brunette defender. The whole “best friend” relationship weighs on your heart but it’s better than not having her in your life at all. She brings a much needed balance to everything about you & your life that is a little off-kilter. She’s calm when you’re about to explode; she’s the one to lift you out of any dark spot; and most importantly, her presence gives you the confidence in yourself that no Friday night bar conquest or shut-out could ever give you. She’s helped you become the best possible Ashlyn Harris you can be, in every facet of your life. You’re no longer the mess you’ve been your whole entire life and that can only be attributed to your “best friend”, the seemingly perfect woman with the endearing mumble. But how long can your life remain tied up in a perfect little bow before it implodes?

\---

Third time is hopefully a charm for a possible professional women’s soccer league in the United States. They’re calling this go-around the NWSL and both you & Ali are allocated players from the USSF. You get the email and you’re told to select your top 3 teams. There’s no guarantee that you will go where you want but the odds are in your favor. Your obvious first pick, Florida, will not have a team but when you see that the Washington D.C. area will, it’s a no brainer. You don’t even have to talk to her before you send the reply email because you know what her first choice will be and you’re damned if you don’t try to remain by her side. When all is said and done, you’re both allocated to the Washington Spirit…life remains tied up in that perfect bow. Around the time of the allocations, you & Ali have gotten closer and not just as friends. You’ve always had a more flirtatious friendship than normal but that’s just how your dynamic is. A drunken kiss initiated by Ali after a night of celebrating your allocation spots starts to unravel that little bow that’s been holding your life together. This is what you’ve always wanted—your best friend to _finally_ feel the same way as you…but as you come to find out, it isn’t that simple. Ali’s confusion about her own sexuality puts a strain on your relationship/friendship, whatever the hell you want to call it. She knows you love her and she says that she loves you but it’s complicated. You can’t hold that against her but at the same time, you want nothing more than scream from the rooftops that Alexandra Blaire is the love of your life and yours forever. You’re right back in the same spot as you were when you were merely “best friends”. You agree to keep your relationship private for Ali’s sake but you know that eventually something will have to give. You move ahead, being best friends in public but lovers in private. The secret relationship is alluring for a while but soon loses its appeal, especially when Ali has to lie in interviews when she’s inevitably asked about her dating life. Each time you hear her say that there is “no one special in her life” or she “hasn’t met the one”, a dagger digs deeper in your heart. Resentment starts to set in and you know that all of the messes that haven’t come your way since you met her will start coming down in droves. It’s only a matter of time.

\---

The inaugural season of the NWSL does not go as planned. The Washington Spirit is at the bottom of the table and with what you’ve come to learn about the team management, next season (if there is one) does not look promising either. The long and unsuccessful season has not only been taxing on you & Ali as players, but it has strained your relationship as well.  On-field frustrations carry over into the home you’ve built together. Yes, you’ve both come out on top when it comes to personal setbacks but the team failing is a whole different mountain to climb. As the season comes to a close, you know in the pit of your stomach that your relationship with Ali will end as well. You see the change in her demeanor toward you. She’s no longer the affectionate Ali that you’ve loved since day one but yet a closed off version of herself. You know that this is her way of preparing for the impending break-up so you take a note from her book and prepare yourself for the blow as well.

\---

She says that you deserve better and most importantly, someone who is proud to be yours. That you deserve someone who will go up to that rooftop and scream to the world that she is in love with you. She can’t give that to you and since she can’t, you’re better off without her. You plead, beg even, to get her to change her mind but there’s no turning back for her. You come to find out that she’s taken a contract with her old German club for the off-season and is leaving in a week. With that, the perfect little bow that’s been holding your life together has been completely unraveled.

\---

Yet again, you’re back to being a mess. You take the break-up, which you see more as an abandoning, harder than you’d ever imagine. Even though you’re able to continue on at a Swedish club, football is the last thing on your mind. You spend more time at local bars and clubs than you do practicing the skill that allows you to survive. Sure, you show up at all mandatory training sessions but that drive to put in the extra work is no longer there. Even though you’re able to maintain a high level of competition, your craft has suffered. The National Team coaches have taken notice and you’re left off of the next call-up list for a pair of friendlies. All of the work you did to make a strong case for that #3 spot has gone to shit. You find yourself in the same dark hole that you did at UNC after a string of injuries. Much like that time of your life, Whitney is there yet again to help you dig yourself out. A long talk, tears, and some extremely tough love help to begin the healing process. You’re finally beginning to see without those blinders that have kept you from truly moving on from her. While there is progress, you can’t help but carry some resentment in your heart toward her. While you’re struggling, she’s thriving in Germany, appearing to not skip a beat at all. Of course she’s on the call-up list and that fuels your fire even more. You now have the motivation to move on and prove to yourself, that you’re able to come out on top of this.

\---

And you do. Once the blinders come off, you commit yourself to becoming the best Ashlyn Harris you can be…again…but on your own terms. You know you’re no angel and have come to accept that the brief period of tidiness in your life was a fluke. You’ll always be a mess but that doesn’t mean you can’t kick ass at the same time. You cut back on the bar visits & self-loathing and hone in on making that #3 GK spot yours. Your Swedish club is doing better and your game is finally back to 100%. You know that the National Team is keeping an eye on you and that adds even more motivation. Even though your Champions League run ends before you’d like for it to, it comes at the perfect time. After being left out last camp, you’re back on the call-up list to accompany Hope & Barnie for another pair of friendlies. You can’t help but notice that a certain defender is not on the list. Her German club is still in the running for the UWCL title so she has been left off to remain with them. You admit that you’re a little relieved at the omission, even though you know that you could maintain total professionalism had she been present. There’s still a small part of your heart that is waiting for some grand gesture of fate to take place but this is no time for wishful thinking. You’ve done so well at being your own motivator that you’re not going to let that little voice take over yet again.

\---

Camp has finally arrived and you’re overflowing with happiness. Not only being reunited with your teammates that you haven’t seen since the NWSL season but being able to wear the U.S. crest again. Everything aside, you know how much of a privilege it is to represent your country, even if you don’t suit up for a match. Your roommate for this camp is Pinoe, which makes your day even more. She hasn’t arrived yet so you make your way up to the room to settle in. A few hours pass and teammates are still trickling in but you’re getting restless. You decide to make your way to the elevators to head down to the lobby in hopes of catching your close friends as they arrive. What you don’t know is that you’ll soon find more than you ever bargained for.

\---

Her club team had been eliminated 4 days before the start of National Team camp and by chance, Crystal had gone down with a slight hamstring injury at the same time. When the call came in asking if she’d be willing to fly directly into camp, there was no doubt in her mind that she’d say yes. “Keep moving forward” had been her motto since leaving and starting over again in Germany and this was just another way to hold true to that. Of course, you weren’t aware of these events prior to your arrival. The elevator doors finally open and all of the excitement leaves your body in a sudden rush. You see her, standing next to Sydney, looking as radiant as ever, her dark hair flowing over her shoulders. You weren’t expecting to see her and the sight hits you like a freight train.

You don’t have time to turn around or decide what your next move is until she notices you.  She’s just as stunned as you are as she’s able to mumble, “Ashlyn?”. You would have never been able to prepare yourself for this moment yet here you are.

_So what are you doing to do about it—make this messy situation even worse or attempt to clean it up?_

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is certainly appreciated! As of right now, this is only one chapter but I've left it open for a possible 2nd chapter. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
